I have a long metal spatula with a wooden handle that works great for flipping burgers during the outdoor grilling season. I looked at it the other day and it had etched on the metal part the name of the place where I got it. Back in the mid 90’s, Citizens Bank in Bancroft, Nebraska was handing them out as a gift. My farm broadcast partner Col Jon and I were broadcasting from the grain elevator in Bancroft that day and after our broadcast day, we stopped at the bank as Col was a good friend of the bank president, Perry Myers. As we entered the bank and stepped towards the president’s office, I noticed a number of guns on the wall of his office. Col told me he was an avid hunter and fisherman.
Perry had his desk situated so he could look right out his door into the bank lobby. As we slowly entered his doorway, he reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out the biggest hand gun I’ve ever seen. That is except for the one Clint Eastwood used in all the Dirty Harry movies. We made our way into the office and as we’re staring down the barrel of that gun, I was waiting for him to say: ‘Go ahead, make my day!’ He did not say that but Col Jon spoke up and told me I guess we aren’t gonna rob this bank today. ‘No s*** Sherlock’ I responded. The bank president, after sufficiently scaring us, put the gun back and welcomed us in. As a lovely parting gift, we each received a large burger flipper.
That was one a many experiences the Col and I had as we broadcast all over Siouxland. Another one was at the Wayne County, Nebraska fair. Purina was one of our sponsors and they had a large Cadillac convertible in the red and white checkerboard design. The seatcovers and trunk were checkerboard as well. I was not, however, allowed to drive it but I did get to pose in a picture with it.
One of our more memorable moments, as we travelled around and broadcast from anywhere, took place in Merrill, Iowa. We would usually arrive at 8am or so to start setting up. This particular day, Col Jon arrived earlier than I did at our location which was a corner bar and restaurant just off of highway 75. As Col walked in carrying his radio equipment, he was chased and almost attacked by a leftover female patron from the previous night’s drinking binge. The owner, who was there and had opened up for us, said she evidently ‘fell asleep’, which is a polite way to say she passed out under a table. He caught her and escorted her to the exit before I got there. Col’s heart was still racing from that.
The funniest comment we ever got was at a grain elevator open house in Sloan, Iowa. Col and I were having too much fun joking with the crowd and telling stories and had the crowd and us laughing long and hard. It quieted down enough for us to get ready for the next report when a feed company rep, who came there for the day, asked if we actually get paid to do this. I said yup, it surprises us too! It’s fun when you have a job you enjoy doing and that aptly describes the Col and me.
This column marks a milestone for me. It was 8 years ago next month that I started writing this column for the Messenger. I told Terry Campbell that I would write it and his only request was that it was interesting. Well, it must have been, at least most of the time, because it kept going up until now. I’m going to put the pen down and end on a high note. I’ve enjoyed sharing my stories and humor with you. Many of you would tell me or email me that it brought back good memories. It did for me as well.
I called it ‘That’s the Latest’ because that’s how WCCO newsman Dick Chapman always closed out a newscast and I never forgot that. Todd Montgomery emailed me once and said the name is an oxymoron as many stories went back 40, 50 or 60 years ago yet I say ‘That’s the Latest’. He’s probably correct in calling it an oxymoron.
To finish and leave you with a bit of humor I found a top ten list and I often wrote about various lists. This one comes from one of my favorite comedians, Steven Wright. This is the guy who once said” I woke up one morning and all of my stuff have been stolen…and replaced by exact duplicates. With that, I leave you with my top ten favorite ‘Wrightisms’. #10. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. #9. Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect to get paid back. #8. 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name. #7. 42.7% of all statistics are made up. #6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. #5. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. #4. OK, so what’s the speed of dark? #3. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink? #2. What happens when you get scared half to death twice? #1. I intend to live forever – so far so good!
And that is the latest. To quote Red Skelton and you gotta be old to quote Red Skelton. Go ahead, Google him. Red always closed his show with ‘Thanks, Good Night and God Bless!’ And now cue the Bob Hope music (again to Google) Thanks for the Memories!
